Politicans; Scum of the earth

by Nick Velk

There's some good news and some bad news in local politics,
folks. First, the good news: Rod R. Blagojevich was sworn in as
Illinois' 40th governor, replacing George Ryan, who is well known for the
"Licenses for Bribes" scandal and for recently clearing all inmates off
of Illinois' death row. The bad news? Rod R. Blagojevich is now
Illinois' new governor.

Blagojevich has been accused of having mob ties and many feel that he
owes his entire political career to his father-in-law, Dick Mell, who
happens to be an alderman for the city of Chicago.

Why are politicians so corrupt? That's the very question I've been
grappling over lately. Men like Blagojevich, Ryan, George W. Bush,
etcetera, are known as "Professional Politicians," meaning they make their
living through politics. Sure, they may have had a career before they were
elected to public office, but not anymore. Once they became
professional politicians, all else became null and void. Their families are just
an obstacle. Anything about their past will just get in the way of their
futures in politics.

You may be asking yourself, what can we do? Aren't all politicians
"professionals" and therefore scum? Believe it or not, no. There are some
politicians that were elected to office for some odd reason. Take Jesse
Ventura, former governor of Minnesota. He was a pro-wrestler and then
he decided to run as an independent candidate in Minnesota's
gubernatorial election. Ventura, being a former wrestler, probably isn't that
intelligent of a man, but I bet he's smarter than the average politician.
With his limited intelligence, he isn't able to get involved with
scandals or embezzle money. He just thinks about holding the economy in a
headlock and body slamming that abortion bill. All and all, I think
Minnesota became better with Jesse as governor.

Another example of an unconventional politician is Ronald Reagan. He
acted in B-rate movies in the fifties and later became governor of
California and a B-rate president. He actually made California a better place
and, in my opinion, didn't fuck America up too badly either. We didn't
get into any wars <ahem> George W. <ahem> and the only thing he screwed
up on was his management of the economy during the early eighties
(Reaganomics). Then there was Sonny Bono. He was a shitty singer during the
seventies and he also lacked intelligence, but he did a fairly decent
job as a congressman in California until he skied into a tree.

I see I'm rambling a bit, so I'll get to my point: All politicians
should die in skiing accidents.