Local pot head sees God

by C.B. Renz



This Saturday, local pot head Johnny McSmoke claimed to have had an
aspiration from god. According to Johnny's remarks, God apparently
reached down from heaven and asked Johnny if he had "any Dorritos."
Johnny then cleverly answered, "No, but I have some Fritos, man!"
Scientists are still looking into the claims.


Santa's Reindeer to bomb Iran

by C.B. Renz




After failing to get the UN on his side in disarming Iran, George W Bush
has moved up north in his endeavors (way up north). In order to help
his cause, George W Bush has hired all of Santa's reindeer, including
the infamous Rudolph, to aid in the United States bombing on Iran.
George W. is also dealing with Santa to allow elves to plant peppermint
bombs on Iran soil.



Poor homeless guy has the bomb; Bush disapproves

by C.B. Renz




Poor homeless guy Marcus Smith has released a statement to the public
informing Mr. Bush that he now has the bomb. Mr. Smith has warned the
current Bush administration that if they don't meet his demands, Mr.
Smith will bring cruel and certain armageddon to the the world. His
demands consist of (1) five cans of tuna, (2) twenty dollars in cash,
(3) a new jacket, (4) a new pair of shoes, and (5) a weeks worth of
trojan condoms. Bush has responded by calling Mr. Smith a "mad man" and
refused to "meet the demands of any terrorist of any kind, no matter
what the costs." Bush has also released a statement quoting, "you are
either with us or with the hobos."