Ugly fat woman under fire for wearing tight clothing

by C.B. Renz

An ugly fat woman is under major controversy after walking down a North
Ridge street while wearing tight clothing.

The incident happened around noon on Sunday. Local pediatrician, Michael
Spinner, was receiving his mail when he observed the incident. “I had
never seen anything like it,” claims Michael. “The ripples in the shirt
looked like an aftermath of an earthquake. I have never seen anything
more grotesque in my life!”

While sightings piled up, police became bewildered. “We’ve had reports
from anything resembling an elephant looking lady to someone who resembles the
nutty professor in some way,” quoted Police Chief Zimber on Sunday. “We
are currently looking into the situation.”

Local police have put out a bulletin since that report. The North Ridge
police urge anyone who has seen a lady with ripples like an
earthquake’s aftermath in her shirt to please report the incident to
them. There will be a reward of five jelly donuts to whomever comes up
with information which resolves the situation.